Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy


Last night I had a dream I met a gorgeous, 6-foot 5 man who swept me off my feet. He was charming, funny and I fell instantly in lust. In the dream I immediately left my current boyfriend and shacked up with this new guy. But the second time I saw him he was different. This time he was not as tall or handsome or funny. It was so weird; I remember feeling like "Oh crap, why did I just throw the love of my life away for this loser?" Of course, I don't plan on ever leaving my long-term relationship (marriage), but I think the dream was a sly message to myself. There will always be someone who's better looking, richer, funnier, more charming, younger....the list goes on forever. It's tempting to look around for an upgrade when the new models come out. (I sound like I'm buying a new Honda, not finding a mate) But when you truly fall in love, it's not about all that superficial stuff. Your partner doesn't love you for your face, they love you for your heart. (yes I know how lame that sounds, but it's true) The face is just the pretty wrapping paper it's in. So 20 years down the road when you get a new assistant who's 23 and a part-time fitness model, remember that it's okay to look and be friendly. (And fantasize, it's not cheating because it's in your head and no one knows about it but you! It's a great way to get out the sexual tension without actually acting on it.) But you're not missing out. If you were to take that 23-year-old home, do you think you'd have more to talk about that sex and sit-ups? Doubtful. All the memories, good and bad, are what bind you to your significant other. That kind of love takes time, and it's not easily upgradable. Would you want to be replaced?

Disclaimer: I'm talking about healthy relationships you enjoy being in. If  you're unhappy, you're looking around for someone else because something in your relationship isn't right. If that's the case, try working on it, if it doesn't get better, moving on is best. Just be sure and close one door before you open another. No one wants to be the rebound guy.