Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

Getting Turned Down

Sometimes you and your partner may be totally in sync when it comes to sex. With one passionate look, the two of you know- it is on! That's great when it happens, but what if it doesn't? No one likes to be rejected when it comes to getting busy. Sometimes you initiate, sometimes your partner does, and rejection is bound to occur on both sides. It's completely normal to get upset when this happens to you. It's hard not to take it personally when your lover is choosing to sleep, watch TV, or just relax instead of doing you. But being "in the mood" is merely that- a mood. Stress, medication, lack of sleep, eating too much, not feeling sexy, and being too hot or cold can all affect your libido.  While it's easy to get offended if you're turned down, try to remember that just because he/she didn't want to have sex this moment doesn't mean that: 1. They don't love you  2. They don't find you sexually attractive  3. Something is wrong with your relationship. Sometimes, it's just sex and they're just not in the mood. Relax and remember that there will always be another time. Unless this is a pattern and it's really hurting your relationship, you don't have to worry about the occasional mood swing. Don't pout if you don't get your way, that's not sexy. Going with the flow and doing your own thing is much more attractive. Making your partner feel guilty for not being intimate with you also won't help you get some loving in the future. Often women who initiate a lot more than their partners might make their men feel emasculated, so laying off for awhile gives the guys a shot at taking charge. Men getting rejected by their partners is also very common, and when it happens it's normal for a guy to feel a little bummed. If you're rejected for sex, try a quick kiss, say "That's okay babe," and go do something else. Don't let it get to you. Confidence about yourself and your relationship is extremely alluring, insecurity is not. Who knows, he or she might just surprise you next time.