Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

In a Funk

No I'm not talking about loud, vibrant music you jive turkey! (it's obvious I'm white by that awful sentence) I'm talking about being "in a funk" Feeling sluggish, bored, or sad for no reason at all. Recently I've experienced being in a funk with my partner. I think lots of couples can identify with this feeling. You love each other and everything is great, but there's just something missing sometimes. Long-term relationships go through peaks and valleys, it's important to remember this and not freak out and think you're "making a huge mistake" when you're really just in a 'down' period. Things can't be red-hot and super exciting forever- it's just not realistic. Love, compassion, friendship- these are the qualities that should never fade in a relationship. But 'I got to have you now' passion and interest in each other varies over time. The passion you felt for each other initially may have been masking a difference in levels of sexual desire. Now that the steam has lifted, you're left wanting intimacy once a week in the morning while he prefers it every night. This can get frustrating. Often couples aren't in the mood at the same time. In fact, only 50% of marital sex in happy couples occurs when both partners are in the mood or orgasmic. The other 50% of the time it takes an effort to get turned on at the same time. As far as my 'funk' goes, I think the lesson I've learned is to NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Ladies, gents, please relax and refrain from getting really hurt or upset if your partner isn't in the mood, or is busy at work, or needs a 'guys' or 'girls' night. Like I've said before, being apart is actually healthy for a relationship. You need to be apart so you can appreciate your love and remember how life would suck if they weren't around. I would possibly be sitting alone on my couch with several cats eating two-day old Chinese takeout...Who knows? Hopefully my funk will fade soon. Until then, I'm going to take care of myself (nothing makes you feel LESS in the mood than feeling unattractive or fat), stay busy, and continue to remind my partner how wonderful and sexy and amazing he is. Those little kisses and touches are just as important as a steamy date night. And both those things (giving compliments and affection) only help improve a relationship.