Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

Taking Charge

This is to the women out there: have you ever asked a man out? Like sidled up to him at a bar, complimented his cute smile and nice eyes and then asked him if he'd care for another Blue Moon? You have? Well, how forward of you! My next question is, how did it go? I'm curious because I've never done that. I'm way too scared of rejection to ever approach a man. Back in my swinging single days (yeah right), I had one move: the eyes. I'd make eye contact with a hot guy and smile- that's it. He'd either come over if he was interested or look away if he wasn't. Years later I see more and more girls and Cosmo advice columns recommending girls to take charge and be assertive. Why should guys have to do all the work? (that's the new catchphrase) This irritates me. Not that I have a problem with women asking men out, that's cool, why not? But there are some men who rely entirely on women to make the first move, the first text, the first date, etc... They've gotten so lazy. A man who meets a cute girl shouldn't text her at 10 at night with the passionless words "hey, great to meet you last week. Whatcha doin?" Gross. What a turn-off. Okay so it isn't 1895 when men courted women and asked their father for permission to take them to church, but come on. Women deserve to be treated with respect and yeah, I think that we deserve to be wooed. Men should open our car doors, call us a few days before and after a date, pay for the first date, and not get too physical on the first date. I know this makes me sound pretty old-fashioned, which I am, so take it with a grain of salt. Also, to the men out there, I think you should be treated pretty good too. Laides, if you like a guy, bake them their favorite cookies, get them tickets to their favorite team, or buy their buddies a round of drinks. Dating is not all about the girl, it's an equal partnership. I just believe that women should be courted in the beginning because well, that's how I like it! Also, we have something you want, so you better treat us well if you want to get it guys. (wink, wink) And girls, remember that you NEVER "owe" a guy anything because he bought you dinner. So what!? He got the pleasure of your company, he doesn't automatically get action because you got the steak. Oh, and if you're one of those brave gals who asks men out? Technically you should pay, but let's face it most guys won't let you, so definitely try to but don't insist if he wants to do it. He should still be a gentleman even though you did the asking. Think of it this way: you went out on a limb and make the first move. Now it's his turn to take charge.