Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

What Do You Wear to Bed?

Someone once told me there is nothing more unsexy than coming to bed wearing granny panties or your boyfriend's ratty old sweats. I beg to differ! Sexiness isn't defined by merely by if you're wearing a negligee or not. That's TV people. In reality, when you first begin dating someone you do pay extra attention to how you smell, feel and look. It's called "wooing" and both guys and gals do it. Men bathe in Axe Body Spray (when did this become a thing? I don't know but I love it. Don't judge me!) and actually shave. Women spray on vanilla-scented perfume (because Cosmo says it attracts male pheromones) and lather themselves in Bath and Body Works cucumber-melon lotion. You both go out and drink enough $2 Miller Lite (draft, of course) to feel comfortable enough to get naked with a relative stranger and then after a few months, or years, you don't try as hard. Life gets in the way and you are lucky to shower everyday, let alone shave or remember where you put that Victoria's Secret perfume bottle. But sex doesn't have to go away just because you wear sweats to bed and lace stockings and a garter belt. Intimacy in a long-term relationship can (and often does) occur when you aren't even trying. It's taking the time to send a quick romantic (or dirty) text when she's at work. It's remembering to wash their work shirt when you do laundry. It's picking up his favorite food after he's had a tough day. Its all the non-sexual things you do for someone you love that can become days of foreplay. Because at 30 you don't have time to spend two hours getting ready for a date like you used to at 19. At 30 you also are too busy with work, kids, babies, friends, houses, whatever; you have to find time for sex instead of it just being there. After a few days (or weeks) of life getting in the way of you two getting busy, trust me in that he won't care whether you're wearing a t-shirt or a teddy to bed. He (and she) will remember how you told them you missed them and couldn't wait to kiss them all day. It might happen at midnight when you'd honestly rather be sleeping (sometimes). Yeah, it might not be the most romantic set up. But it's satisfying a need in the relationship that needs to happen; no matter what you're wearing to bed.