How To Fight to Actually Make Your Relationship Better
1. Whomever has the complaint starts the argument by voicing their frustration. Avoid saying "always" or "never" in this aspect. It will instantly cause your partner to go on the defensive. And in reality, it's not true. People don't do things "all the time," they just do it enough to drive us crazy. State what is bothering you and start every sentence with I. I feel, I think, I want...you get the picture! Trust me, your spouse will feel much less attacked if you say "I feel hurt when you spend the weekend with your friends and we have little time together" instead of, "You make me so mad when you always pick your friends over us!"
2. After you have said your peace, really LISTEN to your mate speak. Do not interrupt. Try to understand where they are coming from and how they truly feel. Try to suspend your view as being right while you take in what they are communicating to you.
3. Repeat back what you have heard your partner say. Everyone wants to feel heard. When we feel seen and heard, we are much more likely to be reasonable and actively try to work towards a resolution with our partner. Example: "I hear you saying you feel sad when I work late."
4. Talk about what was said. Make sure you both understand where each person is coming from. Ask questions if you think you don't know what your partner is saying, and ask them to clarify what you've said if you feel misunderstood.
Remember that a fight is not the end of a relationship but rather a sign that you are actually talking about things instead of sweeping them under the rug. That shows both of you want this relationship to work. I hope these tips can help you work towards finding a better way to communicate so your relationship gets even better over time.