Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

Ten Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Over the years I've developed a number of "rules" for improving relationships -- with or without therapy! Does these work for you? Do you have others? Let me know!

1. Be the healthiest you.

Meaning, do some form of exercise, shower and shave regularly, and eat healthy-ish. Why? Because if you feel crummy about your body, you won't feel sexy. And if you don't feel sexy, you can end up wearing sweats and that college t-shirt with the stains from Taco Tuesday 2006.

2. Be nice to each other.

At the end of the day, we all tend to slop all our stress on our partners. Give them a break and instead of screaming at him because he didn't take out the trash like he promised (again), just thank him for listening to you bitch about your rude boss and hug him tight for being your rock.

3. Learn their love language.

If she likes gifts, bring home flowers once in a while. If she likes compliments, tell her how beautiful she looks without makeup. If he likes acts of service, make him his favorite dinner. Not everyone appreciates the same things, so learn what your partner really values -- and do that.

4. Don't bring up the past. ever.

It's called the past for a reason. It won't help to re-hash old arguments or talk about an ex-love. All we have is our present and our future, so don't waste time focusing on things that can't be changed. Plus, who the hell wants to hear about the person your wife used to sleep with? Answer: No one.

5. Have dates!

This is the easiest and hardest thing to do -- especially if you have kids. You have to make time for each other to go out and be alone. Maybe it's a fancy lobster dinner or maybe it's a low-key night of bowling and beer, just making time for the two of you is essential in keeping that connection. You two fell in love for a reason, and you have to give yourselves a chance to remember it from time to time.

6. Accept the weirdness.

Everyone has their quirks. True love is accepting of someone's faults. (Okay, maybe not drugs or excessive drinking, but you get the picture). 

7. Do something different in bed.

Everyone gets bored of the same old thing, even if they love it. Think of delicious chocolate chip cookies. Even those would get old if you had to eat them everyday for the rest of your life. Mixing it up with different positions, being spontaneous, or showing extra enthusiasm can be the key to keeping things fun. After all, it's supposed to be fun!

8. Show interest in their hobby- even if you hate it.

Everyone has something they like to do and talk about --  and it may be super boring to you. But if it matters to your partner -- whether it's fly-fishing or knitting or Star Wars -- try to learn to like it, or at least pretend to. It'll come back to you tenfold when they show interest in your passions, too.  Whatever it is, passion is sexy!

9. Keep your mouth shut when it comes to family and friends.

Even when it feels like you're being supportive by piling on the criticism,  sooner or later their mind will change, and you don't want to be the one who is known for talking crap about their mom or best friend. Remember the golden rule:  if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!

10. Say thank you.

For even the little things. Laundry, garbage, cooking, getting the kids ready for bed. Yeah, it's sort of their "job," but everyone needs to feel appreciated. If you don't do it, someone else might.