Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

Take Yourself Too Seriously and You'll End Up Alone

I met a couple at work one night who had been happily married for over 18 years and just found out their son was going to Westpoint. They were affectionate and seemed genuinely still in love. As I do with all couples I've waited on in the past that I have built a connection with, I asked them "what's your secret to making your relationship work?" I want to compile all these answers and share them with you dear reader! Here's what they said, and what other couples have told me over the years.

1. Laugh at yourself, each other, together. Laughter is key to keeping your relationship fun.
2. Have fun together (try new things: snowboarding, karaoke, dancing, travel, or just a new restaurant)
3. Make time for each other (don't neglect your date night or your sex life)
4. Make time for sex- this is essential. You did not marry this person to be your best friend only. They are your best friend and your lover. Nourish both parts of the equation- even when you're tired.
5. Marry someone you actually like. (not just want to have sex with all the time- see #4) You're going to be stuck with them for the next 50 years or so, long after you both lose your looks so make sure you still have things in common after your boobs touch the floor and his face looks like a wrinkled paper bag.
6. Let the little things go. And the mistakes. (Does the fact that he chews with this mouth open bug you- yes of course. But does it make or break your relationship? No! Also, if one of you made a huge mistake 3 years ago but you both choose to forgive and move on, you really have to forget about it, or else you'll never truly feel happy and safe with your partner. Let. It. Go. You both deserve to be happy.)
7. Admire that person. No one stays with someone for 20 years when they think they're an idiot or they are a bad person. You have to respect at least one huge thing about your partner. (something not physical)
8. Be able to get along with their families.
9. Common interests. Sure, you might not have known much about Formula1 Racing 5 years ago, but now you know that Michael Schumacher is the greatest driver in history. A common passion is fun!
(see #2)
10. Be nice to each other. Even when the kids are screaming, the dogs are barking, you're on 2 hours of sleep and you have a sink full of dirty dishes and a huge presentation due for work tomorrow- be nice. You're in this together.