Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

Being Nice without the Mask

They say we're nicer to strangers than to the people we love. It's sad but true- we often are our most grumpy, bitchy, and plain old rude to the most important people in our lives but sweet as apple pie to random strangers. I have a theory on this phenomenon. I think it's because we wear a mask, or a suit of armor in the outside world. It's a method of protection. We are ourselves, but there's a little bit of acting that goes on too. You know, that extra effort you make to look good, be funny, charming and nice? When you get home, the last thing you want to do is fake it. You want to be real, just relax and let it go. Hence the fuzzy socks and hideous sweatpants that make you look like a 50 year old mom from Wisconsin. (i.e.not hot) But while I know you can't 'give up' every time you're at home, for me it's important that I can be completely myself in my own home with my partner. Guys, you know what I mean: undershirt, no pants, Chinese food resting on your belly and hair that looks like it's been through a tornado while the rest of your body stayed put. Girls, it's the same story: raggedy track pants from high school, a faded tank top with no bra, hair on top of your head in a scrunchy, and most importantly: no makeup. Besides the physical unmasking, there's the realness that I like about being home. You don't have to pretend to be in a good mood if you aren't. I'm not saying it's okay to be a jerk to your spouse, but you can be real, honest, and just 'you' without feeling bad about it. It's refreshing and why home is such a sanctuary from the world. No mask, literally or figuratively. We can kiss passionately, playfully grab each other's butts, say outrageous things- all the stuff that's a bit taboo in public, depending on where you are. At home, it's a refreshing freedom to say and do whatever you want with the person you actually want to be with. You aren't being nice because you have to, it's because you want to.