Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

Dreams..Are they just for kids?

Hi readers! I want to post today about a non-relationship issue: dreams/goals/aspirations. Today I spoke to a woman who renewed my confidence in my own personal dream. What dream is that, you ask? My adult dream of being a Marriage and Family Therapist running a successful private practice. You see, there's a difference between what we dream of doing as kids and what we aspire to be as adults. Our interests, tastes, and expectations change as we grow up. When I was little, my mom told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up. The sky was the limit. Too bad what I wanted to be was either a famous artist or famous actress, two of the hardest-to-achieve careers in the world. Cut to 20 years later and all I ended up with was an eating disorder and no starring roles or $5000 paintings sold. The reality is, you aren't the same person at 25 as you were at 5. Kids don't know that one in a million girls get to be supermodels or Miss America. They only see the glitz, the glamour, the fun of a job. As adults, we often see the grit, or the negatives of a career. For example:

Firefighter:
Kids: "Wow, I want to save people's lives! And rescue cats!"
Adults: "They aren't hiring right now. And it seems really dangerous."

Doctor:
Kids: "Cool, I get to help sick people get better. And I get to wear scrubs to work, fun!"
Adults: "I have to be in school for how long? And don't get me started on the student loans I'll have to pay back. I'll be in debt for years, not worth it."

Singer:
Kids: "I am on stage for everyone to see. I am singing because it makes me happy!"
Adults: "Make a career out of singing? Good luck. Might as well move in with my parents now and forget about moving out or going on a date before I'm 40. I'll never make it big."

Race Car Driver:
Kids: "I get to go fast! I love cars and racing!"
Adults: "Woah, way too dangerous. I could never do that, I'm too tall. It's too late for me to try."

The woman I spoke with today reminded me that, while we may not achieve the dreams of our youth, we can still dream. We don't have to settle for "just getting by." That is so depressing! Having dreams and goals as an adult is a great thing because it pushes you to try just a little bit harder. Yeah, you could watch a movie or get a massage (those rock, obviously). Or you could spend an hour writing that novel you've always wanted to publish or update your LinkedIn profile so you can score a better job.  Instead of looking at yet another "Desserts to Die For" wall on Pintrest or zoning out on Facebook, why not spend 5 min a day towards getting what you really want in life? Don't settle for good enough. Dream like you did when you were 5, but just tailor it for your adult self. You probably will never be a model or major league baseball player. Sorry kid, it just wasn't in the cards if you're over 25 and it hasn't happened yet. But what about working for your favorite team or becoming a talent scout? That old question, "What would you do if money didn't matter?" is corny as hell but kind of true.

My final example is one that recently happened to me. I just bought rims for my car, which I had to explain to .my mom since she had no idea what 'rims' were, or why I spent over a year saving for something that I never see. Anyway, the day after I got my new rims, some jerk keyed about 15 inches of my car, right above my back left tire. For a week after it happened, all I could see was the scratch, not the rims I'd spent a fortune on. I was seeing the tiny flaw, not the whole package. Focusing on the negative is never a way to be, but as adults we do have to be realistic. A 35 year old trying to be a princess is not cute, it's pathetic and sad. But a 35 year old creating her own business centered around princess parties for toddlers? Genius! Go after your dreams, because they don't die when you grow up, they just change.