Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

I Got Pinned

I was talking to a teenage girl the other day and mentioned getting pinned. She looked at me with a blank expression, her eyes glazing over and already likely contemplating what was on Kylie Jenner's Instagram page that day. I explained to her that pinning existed 50 years ago when guys named Skip wore letterman jackets and would give their pin or class ring to Sally the prom queen in order to symbolize they were going steady. Of course, she had no idea what 'going steady' was, so I further explained that concept and that fidelity was another concept of the past century that people used to really value. Before cell phones and Tinder, fake lips and airbrushed everything, people actually DATED. As in, men courted women. And didn't expect sex on the first date. They shared a milkshake with two straws and held hands (maybe) on the first date. Dating in 2016 is rough, and dating as a teenager or young adult in 2016 is even rougher. In place in romance (I'm talking basic stuff: opening the car door, giving compliments, not swearing in the presence of a lady) there is calling girls bitches and bragging about their skills in bed. It's a sign of the times but it doesn't have to be. It's easy to blame men for treating women poorly and telling them that they must look like a adult film star in order to be attractive or wanted. It's easy to say that men are pigs and only want one thing. But the truth is, we as women need to stand up and make a change. We have to stop accepting the text messages at 10pm to 'hang out' that really mean...well, you know. We have to say no to being called c-words and b-words in almost every song on the radio. We have to be okay with the Trent's and Hunter's of the world not liking us because we won't let them do Jello shots off our stomachs. We have to wait more than 3 dates to be intimate with a guy because, no wonder they don't respect or value our bodies if we give them away like they are nothing! Ladies; I don't mean to preach at you but you are ALL gorgeous. Your skin is soft, your hair is shiny and your legs are not covered in hair! Besides the obvious lady parts women possess, they also do pretty much all the things guys do while also managing makeup, hair, kids, undergarments, heels, fashion trends, staying in "shape," organizing chores/food/cleaning, and oh yeah, being the perfect daughter, student, employee and friend- all at the same time. Women are amazing and deserve to be treated as such in relationships but they must demand that. My mom once told me that people only treat you as good (or bad) as you let them. So don't let guys treat you with disrespect, period. I'm not advocating you demand diamonds or 5-star dinners every night, but you DO deserve phone calls, contact before and after a date (and not a week later), pasta dinners, and being okay with taking things slow. Because (and I'm quoting Maybelline here), you deserve it.