Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy


The post below (in quotes) was written in 2011, a lot have things have changed since then. Nowadays I work just as much as my husband as a licensed therapist. I used to work crazy hours (12-15hr days of therapy, back to back sessions), waitressing on the weekends too. My other half did the same and we rarely saw each other. When we did, all we wanted to do was relax but we had to run errands and take care of 'practical' matters.' It was exhausting emotionally and mentally, and took a huge toll on our relationship for 2 years. For the past few months, we have scaled things back a lot and have been spending more time together. Now I realize that work is essential of course, but it's not what's most important. On your deathbed, will you wish for more time spent at the office or that you drove a BMW instead of a Toyota? Or will you remember all the times you stayed in with your kids, made dinner with your husband, or surprised your wife with tickets to her favorite artist? I think the latter. Also, work breeds temptations since you spend 80% of the day there, leading you to grow closer to your office mates than your spouse.

"So what happens when your partner works much more (or less) than you? That's the position I find myself in. I'm working part-time and going to school part-time. In other words, I've got lots of free time. My boyfriend on the other hand is busy; really busy. He's always going to work, meetings, social stuff. I feel so lazy compared to him. I try to be the best "wife" possible and do the laundry, cooking, and errand stuff for us. But often times I feel bad when he's dead tired heading off to work in the morning and I"m sitting on the computer enjoying a delicious pieced of whole wheat peanut butter toast. (my fave) I won't have a steady job until school is out so there's really nothing I can do, but still. I guess my best advice is that if this is your problem too, just be supportive of each other. Whether you work more or less than the other person, try to do the things they don't have time for. Trust me, they'll appreciate your extra help and return the favor when it's you who is working day and night. Just let each other know in some small way that all that hard work is appreciated. No one likes to feel taken for granted or not special."

I'm in a much different, much healthier place now than the past few years and from 2011 when I wrote the post above. Today I work hard Mon-Fri, but take the weekends to really be there with my friends and partner. Remember that life is all about balance and moderation. Too much time together or apart is not healthy; you lose the connection to each other that you need in order to stay in touch, captivated and feeling loved.