Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, MS, MPH, CSAT, LMFT #88196

Bella Vida Therapy

Molly Papp, LMFT

You deserve a beautiful life

Sex, intimacy, and relationship therapy

What's Between the Ears...

Okay so I know that's a random title for a blog post, but today I was watching Dr. Phil and I actually learned something. I know he's kinda of a cheesy and not a real doctor, but he had an interesting show on marriage counseling. This one featured couples on the brink of divorce. The men were chauvinists, batterers, and all-around troubled guys. The women were victims, codependents, and pretty much miserable in their marriages. In one of his interventions, he had three different married women come to talk to the men in these troubled relationships. These women were strangers to the men, but offered some really great advice I want to share with you.
1. Never walk away from a fight. If you're getting so heated that you can't take it anymore, say something (as calmly as you can) such as, "I need some time to calm down. Let's finish this discussion in the morning when we both have had time to think. I think I'll be able to understand your point of view better then, I'm too upset now." That way she/he won't see you as walking away from the fight, more as taking a breather so you can better understand him/her better later- it's pacifying. Wording counts. Saying "Get out of my face!" will only make your partner want to get more in your face-it's antagonizing.
2. A woman's sex drive is in between her ears. (as in, her brain) Tell her she's beautiful, special, sexy, appreciated. That will make her more horny than any music/flowers/song/wine ever will. Also, expecting anything sexual is also a huge turn-off. No one is 'supposed' to have sex with you. And why would you want to be with someone who feels it's just their 'duty' to be with you intimately? However, if you tell your woman she's the love of your life (and mean it, don't just say it to get sex)- now that's sexy.
3. Do things for each other that you know you like, just because. For example, if he loves kung pow chicken, bring it home for him when he's had a long day. Or if she loves Skittles, surprise her with a pack on your next movie date. It's as corny as ever, but it really is the little things that count. Doing sweet things not to get something in return, but just to make your partner happy, that is love.